


Old Gods Bleed Young Blood

by HeyItsSpix



Category: DSMP - Fandom, DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: DSMP, DreamSMP - Freeform, Gen, Mcytwt, Minecraftyt - Freeform, but its really fucking funny to me ok, i wrote this as a joke, mcyt - Freeform, please god forgive me, what the fuck am I doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:27:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29423055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyItsSpix/pseuds/HeyItsSpix
Summary: Ok so I got this unoly idea from the depths of hell itself but here we go:SaltyDKDan finds himself on the Dream SMP, with no memory of who he was or how he got there. Follow him as he tries to recover his memory, and ends up accidentally almost destroying the entire server. This shit gets really fucking wild later on, so stick around to find out how the fuck DanTDM and Stampy are here.Please don't take this seriously. I am bored and wanted to watch god cry.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

Did anyone ever tell you how painful it was to spawn? 

Salty sure as hell did not expect it. As soon as Derek entered the world, his entire body seized up momentarily. It felt like years before it released and relief flooded through him, although it was really only a few seconds. He looked at the building before him, a giant red brick house. He barely even got to stand up before he felt something sharp at his back.

“Who the fuck are you?” Someone behind him growled. Salty flinched and called back.

“Hell if I know. Who are you?” 

The sword pushed deeper into his spine. “Ha, funny. How did you get in here? Dream isn’t supposed to be letting anyone else join.”

“I- I don’t know.” Salty shook his head, trying to jog his memory. “Fucking- hell. I don’t remember anything besides my name.”  
The sword pressed deeper. Salty gulped.

“Sapnap, who’s that?” A different voice asked.

“No clue. He showed up, said he ‘doesn’t know how he got here’. Did you hear anything about Dream adding someone?” The sword-wielder, Sapnap apparently, asked.

“Uh- take him inside the Community House, I’ll go ask Dream who this is. What’s your name again?” The second voice questioned.

“Salty. SaltyDKDan.” Salty replied.

“Alright. Don’t kill him yet, Sapnap. We don’t know how many lives he has.” The second voice said, sounding like he was beginning to walk away when he stopped. “By the way, I’m George. And this is my friend, Sapnap.” George finished, before continuing to walk away.

Salty tore himself out of Sapnaps’s grasp, jumping away from the sword. That was the first time he got to see what had been holding him hostage. A tallish, tan man with a stern look on his face stared forwards at him. He had deep, dark blue eyes, despite the fact he seemed to have a flame-like aura all around him. Looking closer, his hands looked black and scared, like they had been holding fire. And he had various red rocks sticking out of his skin, almost resembling small, sharp, matchheads. He wore a white t-shirt with a flame and a headband tied his hair back. 

“C’mon, get inside then.” He said, shoving Salty in the direction of the so-called Community House. Salty wandered inside, glancing at the interior but not very interested. He turned to face Sapnap.

“So, where the fuck am I?” He asked. Sapnap, seemingly busied with something else, glanced his direction.

“You should know, since you broke in here somehow. But, it’s Dream SMP.” He said half-heartedly.

“What-” Salty continued “-is a fucking Dream SMP.”

Sapnap grinned and turned to look at him, “Wait. You seriously have no clue who or where you are?”

Salty shook his head.

“Ha! Yeah, usually people don’t have memories, but they usually know where the fuck they are!” Sapnap said, moving closer to Salty before suddenly stopping.  
“Wait-“he said, moving forwards and grabbing Saltys face. 

“Get the fuck-“Salty was cut off.

“Stop for a second. You have tear streaks.” Sapnap let go of Salty’s face. “Holy shit! Are you a ghast? That’s so fucking cool! Can you float? Can you shoot fireballs? Does it hurt when you cry like Ranboo?” Sapnap immediately bombarded Salty with as many questions as possible.

“What the hell are you talking about? What’s a ‘ghast?’” Salty said, making finger quotes.

“Y-you don’t know what a ghast is?”

“No?”

“What about a blaze?” Sapnap said, snapping his fingers and lighting his hand on fire. Several of the small stones on his arms lit ablaze as well, and his eyes turned a dark, swirling orange. 

“No- wait, how the hell are you setting yourself on fire?” Salty said, moving closer to him.

“Im part blaze. Born in fire, y’know.” Sapnap clutched his fist around the fire, putting it and the crystals out. He tilted his head, “Wait, do you even know what Minecraft is?”

“Yeah. I played it once, with-“Salty clutched his head, pulling at his hair. Pain shot through his temple as he tried to finish the thought, and involuntarily, tears began streaming down his face. He fell to the floor, tightening his grasp on his locks of hair. 

“Shit- uh, yeah. That happens sometimes. Don’t try to hard to remember, it doesn’t really get better.” Sapnap said, offering Salty a hand to get back up. He took it.   
Salty reached to wipe away the tears on his face and felt them. Thick, rough streaks of skin, running all the way down from his eyes to his jaw. 

Just as he was about to ask more questions, a man in a blue shirt and giant white glasses popped into the room. “Dream said he’s supposed to be here. But does he really not remember anything?” The man said. George, the same British voice he heard before.

“No but check it out. He’s a ghast.” Sapnap said, gesturing towards Salty’s face.

“Huh. Never seen one of those before.” George remarked calmly, before shrugging it off and turning towards Sapnap. “So what do we do with him?”

“I don’t know. I guess just get him started on a house or something?” Sapnap suggested. 

“Uh, great, thanks. But I’m actually going to spend my time trying to get out of here and back to… back to uh, wherever I was before.” Salty said, beginning to walk out of the house. 

“Wait!” George ran up behind him. “Hey- watch out for the big red vines. We have no clue who you are or what you can do, so maybe avoid them for now. Oh! And don’t fly. If you can even do that.” He said, planting a hand on Salty’s shoulder. Salty brushed it off. 

“Thanks, I guess.” He said and made his way out of the house. He started walking. Fuck these people and their weird-ass world. He was going to find a way home no matter what.

Salty made his way through spawn, looking around at all the buildings there. He felt his feet taking him in some random direction. He tried to remember where he was before this, but… nothing. His mind was just blank before he woke up here. He felt hot tears streaming down his face and realized he was crying again. 

“God damnit” He muttered, wiping at his face. “What did that dude say? I was a ghost?” He shook his head and figured out step number 1: Find out what the fuck a ghast is.

He realized he was now stopped in front of a giant purple portal surrounded by black blocks. He shifted awkwardly, not sure what to do. He felt complied to step in, like it was home. It felt safe. He took a step in and felt himself slowly getting pushed somewhere else. He closed his eyes, and appeared in a red, hellish looking dimension.

Salty walked out of the portal, and into the landscape. Sat down on the ground, completely unarmed and defenseless. He looked over to see a hybrid pig-man, staring at him. He grinned. “Hey, who are you?”

The pig picked up its sword and started swinging. Salty screamed, and jumped away. He started running, running, running…  
And ran straight off a cliff.

Tears streamed down his face like a waterfall at this point, he was sore, he was tired, he was hungry. And now he was falling to his doom. Or at least, he should have been. But he seemed to be… floating? He tried to move but was generally stuck in mid-air. Eventually, he was able to sort of swim back down and land on the floor.

So, this is a thing.


	2. Hybrids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Salty meets some new faces, and they talk for a bit.
> 
> This was mostly dialogue, so I hope you like talking. 
> 
> May god have mercy on my wretched soul

Salty woke up.

He was still unfamiliar with this entire “Minecraft” thing, but at least he had built himself a house. As he shifted to get out of bed, he jogged his memory of yesterday. After he landed back on the ground, some strange entity named “DreamXD”, who was apparently also just Dream, spawned in. It told him not to fly and stole away his ability to. Somehow. It’s sort of dark, really, so Salty just dismissed it. After that happened, Salty sort of just got up and walked back through the portal. It took a second to find, but DreamXD gave him the coordinates before he left. 

After that- it was all a blur. Someone somewhere gave him some tools, and he started cutting down trees and mining stone. He ended up with a shoddy wooden house in the outskirts of town, but it was enough for him. Everyone else had huge suits of armor and massive swords and axes, made from something called Netherite. All Salty had was some hastily put together armor and tools made from some iron he found in the caves below. Practically speaking, he was completely defenseless. Which was not good for him, since apparently there’s some war or big battle that happens here every other day.

Salty pulls himself out of bed and slips on his armor. He doesn’t have any food out here and needs to go into town to see if he can beg or barter some stray seeds from someone living there. Plus- he should get to explore it a little. He is stuck here, after all, he should at least know his new home for a while. He grabs his trusty sword and steps outside, looking out on the world. He blinks his eyes and sighs. 

“How the fuck did I get here?” He murmurs to himself. He decides not to dwell on it too long- however- cause that may send him spiraling into a heated gamer moment. He begins the walk to town, stretching himself out a bit as he walks. Although those beds may have the magical ability to revive people or whatever, it didn’t make them any more comfortable. He was stretching his neck when he heard something nearby him.

Salty spun around, readying his sword. He glanced through the woods- God it's hard to see anything through all these trees- and braced himself for an attack. That’s when he heard it- whatever the fuck it was.

“OoooOOOHHHhh badboyHALllooOOO~” Salty visibly winced. He had no idea what that noise was, but it sounded almost like… someone singing? He geared himself up again as the noise got closer and-

A dude wearing a beanie raced out of the woods, directly onto the trail Salty was standing on. The man seemed like he was about to just race past him when he suddenly stops and turns to face him.

“WhHOOO aRRe YoUUU?” He said in the same weird, auto-tuned voice he used earlier. 

Salty lowered his sword, “Salty. Who are you? And why do you sound like that?” He asked.

The man coughed, clearing his throat. “I’m Quackity, whats up?” He said, sounding suddenly normal. Quackity extended his arm to shake Salty’s hand. As he shifted, two smallish yellow wings gently opened themselves behind him. It was subtle enough that it looked more like they were just automatically moving with his body, and not like he was consciously controlling them. 

Salty grabbed his hand and shook before asking, “I thought we weren’t allowed to fly here?”

Quackity tilted his head before his face lit up. He extended his wings to their full length, and they looked almost small compared to him. “We aren’t supposed to really, but Dream lets me keep them cause they’re to small to actually fly with,” He said, absent-mindedly shaking one out. “‘You’re short? Grow?’ Thats what he says, like a fucking asshole. At least my dick isn’t built like a tic-tac!” Quackity continues, breaking into a large smile.

Salty grins and pulls his hand back, picking up his sword and sheathing it. This guy is pretty fun, he thought.

“So what about you, why do you have those weird tear streaks on your face?” Quackity asked.

Salty pauses, remembering the tear streaks. He straightens his expression and replies, “I’m the jokah, baby," faking mock seriousness.

Quackity starts laughing, his wings flapping behind him. He starts doing his own Joker impression, "The plan is simple- we commit insurance fraud.”

The two continue like this for a moment, pretending to be the Joker while they walk towards spawn. After a solid 4 minutes of impressions, Quackity asks again.  
“No no no- seriously, why do you have those black lines?” He says, ruffling his wings a little.

“Not quite sure, but some dude named Sapnap said its cause im a ghast or part ghast or whatever. I can fly, too. Or at least I could before Dream took that away.” He said, shrugging.

Quackity blinked, “A ghast? Really? I’ve never seen a ghast hybrid before.” He remarked, thinking for a second before stopping and yelling. “WAIT! I CAN USE YOU TO BREW POTIONS!” He said, pointing a finger at Salty before trying to tackle him. Salty began running, laughing wildly. 

Quackity chases after him, turning back on his autotune voice. “SaaaLLLtttYYY I neeeEEEEEddddDD yoOOUuRRRR tEAARRRSSS” He yells, and Salty continues to run.  
Salty is running so fast, in fact, that he doesn’t see the person in front of him. And he doesn’t notice when he runs headfirst into them.

“OOF- hey!” Salty says, falling backward. 

The man across from him looks at Salty with concern, probably in regards to the tear streaks running down his face. 

“I’m so sorry, uh- What is your name?” He asks. 

“Salty.” He replies shortly. He’s tired of everyone asking him that.

“Oh- my apologies, Salty. Though you really should watch where you are going.” The man says. He then proceeds to unfurl two massive wings, about 5 times bigger than Quackity’s, and checks them for any injuries. 

“Sorry if I hurt your wings.” Salty says absentmindedly, hoping that he didn’t do any serious damage. 

The man chuckles, “No no, you’re fine. I’m just being cautious, that’s all.” He turns back to face Salty and introduces himself. “Hi, I’m Philza. Philza Minecraft. Always lovely to see a new face on the server.” He says. He has an almost… fatherly aura to him. It's sweet. Reminds Salty of something on the edge of his mind. 

Quackity bounds in behind Salty, stopping abruptly when he spots Philza. He puffs his chest out and fluffs up his wings slightly, probably to seem more intimidating than he actually is. He narrows his eyes and locks them with Philza. Without breaking eye contact, he speaks.

“Salty. We should go. Now.” He says, furiously. Salty brushes himself off and stands up next to Quackity. The duck-hybrid slowly turns around, still bristling at the edges as he starts to escort Salty away. Salty turns his head and mouths one last, quick "sorry" at Philza before following Quackity away.

After walking for a while, Salty looks towards Quackity and asks, “So… what’s up between you and that Philza guy..?”

Quackity glances over at him, sighing. “Yeah, you wouldn’t know, would you…” he murmurs, continuing, “He tried to blow up my country. Standard war stuff really. Plus, his hybrid son is a grade-A asshole.” He says, kicking a rock with his shoe.

“Wouldn’t all of his son’s be hybrids since he is?” Salty asks.

“You’d think, wouldn’t you? Two of them are human – or at least they look human- but one is a Piglin.” Quackity says.

“A… Piglin?” 

“Big pig dude. Huge ears, huge tusks, huge ego.” Quackity says, cracking a smile, although it looked more pained than anything. “You see this scar? Running from my right eye down to my chin?” He says, pointing to a massive scar covering the right half of his face.

“Yeah, I er uh, wasn’t going to say anything… but it looks pretty nasty.” Salty said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“The pig dude gave it to me. Techno is his name, so watch out if you see him. You’ve got parents, right?” Quackity jests, his smile looking a little more genuine.

“No clue- what, is he an orphan killer? Sick of the cringe ass nae nae babies without parents?” As he says this, Salty feels a mild headache. He dismisses it as him not having enough water that day. Plus, Quackity is losing his absolute shit at it.

“CRINGE-CRINGE ASS NAE NAE BABY??” He screams. “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?” He continues, laughing. 

They laughed about it for a while, lightening the heavy mood a bit. After they both catch their breath, Salty asks, “Hey, what is a hybrid anyways? I hear you keep mentioning them and since I am one, I guess I should know…”

Quackity grins and says, “Oh yeah, hybrids. Wild shit, really. Usually, they are a cross between a mob and a human, but sometimes they’re different. Like Ranboo- we know he is half enderman, but besides that he’s a fucking mystery.” Quackity remarks.

“So, how many of them are there?” Salty asks again.

“Well, lets see- there’s me the parrot, you the ghast, Philza the elytrian, Techno the piglin, Sapnap the blaze, Captain Puffy the sheep, Jschlatt the goat, and all the people who just aren’t human at all.” Quackity remarks.

“There’s people who just… aren’t human?” Salty says. What the fuck is up with this world?

Quackity grins. “Yeah, we practically have someone who is either a hybrid of or an anthropomorphic version of every mob in this world. Besides a bear, weirdly.” He finishes. 

Salty blinks. “A… bear?”

Quackity looks at him and tilts his head. “A bear, yeah. What about it?”

Salty feels his head reeling and before he realizes it, he’s back on the ground again. Tears are streaming down the black tracks etched into his face, he’s sobbing like he was earlier. He tugs at his hair as something comes rushing back to him- something old and powerful. A memory.

“L-lets cancel the fictional bear. Let’s cancel Boo Boo. It’s been a while since we’ve done this, I kinda wanna cancel Boo Boo.”

Was that… Salty? Who was he talking to? Who is Boo Boo? Salty tried to remember anything else- anything at all-but all he got was the single phrase:

#Boobooisoverparty.

And suddenly, the memory was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the second chapter! Also, am I seriously the only one making SaltyDKDan fanfiction here. I can't find any others. Please, why am I like this.


	3. Isn't This Where We Began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Salty and Quackity talk more but then something something THE PLOT IS STARTING

Salty came to hearing Quackity shout his name. 

“Salty- dude- are you ok?” He said, his voice sounding fuzzy but slowly becoming clearer.

“Y-yeah. Jesus fucking Christ, does that happen every time I remember something?” Salty replied, wiping white tears off his face.

Quackity shrugged. “Not sure, really. I mean- for me at least- I can remember some things just fine since they where smaller. But when I try to remember a lot of details about big things in life, like my old friend Aksually, I get bad headaches too.” He explained, reaching out a hand to help Salty up and off the ground. Salty grabbed it and pulled himself up. Quackity began walking towards spawn again, and Salty followed. 

“Is it really like this for everyone? Does no one remember what they were doing before this?” He said, fidgeting with his hands. He hated the fact that everyone was just ok being here without knowing what came before it. 

Quackity thought for a second. “I mean- maybe not for Dream since he’s like, a God or some shit. And maybe Techno knows something since he has those voices that scream shit to him.” 

Salty blinked. “What do they say?”

Quackity grinned. “No clue, but if they’re as pompous as him, it's probably some Greek mythology shit or some weird proclamation about how ‘he never dies’” Quackity said, accentuating the last phrase with air quotes.

Salty sighed and looked towards the ground.

Quackity bumped his shoulder. “Hey- don’t look so down about it. At least our memory loss isn't as bad as Ranboo's, he can’t remember 3 seconds ago if he doesn’t put it in his book.”

Salty looked back at him. “Damn, really? How the fuck does he get anything done then?”  
Quackity’s wings ruffled behind him. “Don’t know- haven’t really asked him, honest to God.” 

Salty grumbled, suddenly lifting his hands up quickly to drag his palms over his eyes and groan. “God, why the fuck can all of us just NOT REMEMBER ANYTHING?” He yelled, pissed as hell.

Quackity laughed slightly. “Why the fuck are you asking me? It's just sorta how it is here.” He said lightheartedly.

Salty stopped walking turned to him. “How are you ok with this?

Quackity stopped and faced him as well. “Ok with what?”

Salty gestured wildly in between them, speaking loudly. “THIS! Not remembering anything, being half ghast or parrot or whatever and having no idea how it happened, random people just being able to hear voices that know more than us, a God just… walking around-“

“Well technically he’s actually just sitting in jail-“

“That’s even weirder! Do you seriously not think that all of this is weird as hell?” Salty yelled, and white tears started streaming down his face again. They must just show up whenever he experiences an emotion that is too big. 

Quackity sighs. “Look, dude- yeah this world is kinda fucking weird, but it's all we got ok? We all just gotta… live with it.”

Salty lets out a breath, rubbing at his eyes. “Yeah, yeah I guess. Sorry, I’m just stressed out cause I’m really fucking lost out here.” He said.

Quackity grins. “Hey, we all have our moments- did you know Dream has manipulated 3 children and almost killed 2?” He says, sounding way to nonchalant about it.

Salty chuckles and says, “#Dreamisoverparty”

Quackity grins and starts laughing wildly, Salty joining in.

Eventually, they were he spawned again. Salty has no clue because he built his house so far away- he could have sworn it was closer. Quackity leaves, something about “having to bully Badboyhalo” or whatever, leaving Salty to try and find some food to buy alone. He spends a while walking around- exploring various houses and buildings- but the place seems relatively empty. He eventually stumbles onto some farm near a random building and steals some wheat. He replants all of the crops he stole and keeps some seeds for his own farm. He quickly races out, seeds in hand.

He decides to wander around spawn a bit more, looking for any signs of life. He was trying to figure out his way back home using a map he found when he spots something looking slightly out of place. He stops and stares at the old building. He’s far enough into the woods by now that there shouldn’t be any structures besides his own. Maybe it was someone’s house? But it was made of old wood and looked like it hasn’t been touched in years. Salty walked towards it. There was a single sign on top of the door that read “Storage.” The door handle was covered in dust, looking like it hadn’t been touched for a while. Walking in, there was nothing there besides a bed, a crafting table and furnace, and the chests lining the walls. The bed was old and worn, looking like it used to be used almost every day but was now abandoned. 

Salty roughed through the chests, looking for anything useful to him that he could take. It's not like anyone living here would need it, right? After a while of searching, all he was left with was a saddle, a golden apple, and one or two potions. The rest seemed just to be blocks, crops, and Redstone. There was a single framed diamond hanging over the door, however. Salty set down his blocks and reached up to take it, but upon ripping it from the frame the ground shook. Salty glanced behind him to see the ground had now opened, revealing a massive stone staircase. Salty set the diamond down with the other stuff he stole and slipped down the stairs. 

He followed the torches for a while before he found a small room. The walls were lined with bookcases, and there was a single chest in the middle. Salty opened it up and looked inside. There were two items- a cake, named “The Cats Meow” and a book titled “The Record (INCOMPLETE).” Salty grabbed the book and flipped through the pages. They were all written in some old language that looked vaguely like English. Hundreds of pages were ripped out or burned, and the ones the remained were worse for wear. Salty grabbed the book and the cake and left the basement, feeling creeped out. He shoved them all into his bag along with the other things he had stolen and began walking back to his house.

He eventually found his way back onto a general trail, still following his map to navigate. He was about to take a step when he suddenly heard something whispering. He glanced up and saw it- a cluster of huge, red vines, lining the pathway, clustering and whispering horrible things. Salty gulped and pulled out his sword, backing up slowly. 

He didn’t get very far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you guys so much for reading this and leaving me kudos, it means so much!
> 
> I realized not a lot has happened yet, but dont worry! Things will start to get more interesting soon!
> 
> Also, please remember that this is a joke and this fic is in no way meant to be taken seriously.
> 
> If I get anything about the lore wrong, this is a fanfiction about SaltyDKDan. I know most of the main events in the DSMP, but there is a lot happening so I may accidentally mess some stuff up. Thanks for being patient with me!

**Author's Note:**

> Wow! You actually read this far! Well, if you liked this, let me know! I have the entire story planned out, and by god I am willing to write it all.


End file.
